Ensuring Calm Days
This page holds strategies that help Ryan feel safe and calm every day. Ryan has faced big challenges that resulted in aggressiveness, especially during his teenage years, because many people don’t understand his autism.
But these strategies have worked well to help Ryan. They give him the stability he needs and deserve. It’s like a special mix of being involved in things that matter to him and getting the right support that fits him perfectly. This mix is the best way to help Ryan deal with his tough moments effectively
Learning Supports (what works and what doesn’t)
- Think of Ryan’s main “language” as visual – he understands what he sees a lot better, than what he hears.
- His schedules, the way we arrange things, adapt materials — all meant to help him understand.
- So PLEASE – Do Not Abandon using these visual supports with Ryan.
- If you have set up or written out a schedule for Ryan – stick to it. This is to maintain TRUST from Ryan.
- If you have to change plans, change what is written on the schedule –show Ryan what has changed and what has NOT changed.
- Ryan needs more time to think and then do the tasks. When he makes a mistake, do not correct him immediately, give him time to solve it himself. IN the past, he had repeatedly showed that he can do this, and even come up with better solutions.
- In the middle of a task, you might see Ryan “freeze”, squinting his eyes – he could be in the middle of a silent seizure. Do not talk or intervene, give him time – usually it will pass and Ryan go back to whatever he was doing.
We are mindful to look for opportunities to give Ryan choices throughout the day.
We usually present 2 to 3 choices to Ryan for the following:
Food is important to Ryan – At every lunch & dinner on alternate days, Ryan makes a choice on what he wants to cook for himself. The reason for the alternating days is that we also want him to try other dishes. If we let Ryan be, he will only choose his favorite dishes –laksa and curry rice.
So, it is a balance.
Other simple choices that we ask Ryan:
- Restaurants – if we don’t have the picture-icon, we write out the words.
- Clothes – he picks out what he wants to wear daily.
- Exercises – which activity he prefers
- Blankets – There are 2 blankets in his room. “which one do you want? Grey or white?”
Ryan has clear dislikes. When he says “no”, please respect that.
When giving Ryan instructions verbally, (tell Ryan what to do), use simple words and short sentence.
Sensory Supports (Sensitivity to sound, light, heat etc)
Do not talk over Ryan – if you hear him “complaining” with whiny, frustrated sounds, it is most likely he cannot stand the noise you are making.
Pay attention to other noises when Ryan gets agitated – it could be construction, background sounds coming from TV, Radio, Handphones. If you can turn it off or move Ryan to another area.
Ryan could be noisy himself – he could be making sounds so as to cover the noise around him.
- Ryan does better in cool temperature.
- In any place, at least have the fan running.
- If a place is too hot (Even when the fans are on), like the car porch where one of his work sites is – reschedule it to another time in the day.
- He needs the air-con on to sleep.
- This affects Ryan to a lesser extent.
- But sometimes it can add to the stress.
- If you see him sitting in a dark room, let him be. He needed that to calm himself (self-regulation)
- This 2025 incident illustrates how the lighting in the restaurant affected Ryan and the strategy to defuse the situation
Self-Regulation (How Ryan keeps himself calm)
When you see Ryan in these situations – he is calming himself down. Let him be.
“lying under big cushions, pillows and
weighted blanket – Ryan is seeking deep
pressure to calm himself. To make him comfortable, just make sure the fans or air-
conditioning is switched on.- Things to bite – don’t freak out when he bites the timer, remote control or water bottle. Have spares to replace when they stop functioning.
- Rocking on his rocking chair
- Pacing up and down the same area.
- Make sure there is a bottle of water with Ryan throughout the day. He drinks to keep himself calm.
- When you hear Ryan shouting –he could be getting anxious and if his bottle is empty, offer to fill it up for him. “Give me water bottle”
Day care Options
| Sensory Supports (Sensitivity to sound, light, heat etc) | |
|---|---|
| Sound – pay attention to sounds in the environment |
• Do not talk over Ryan – if you hear him “complaining” with whiny, frustrated sounds, it is most likely he cannot stand the noise you are making.
• Pay attention to other noises when Ryan gets agitated – it could be construction, background sounds coming from TV, Radio, Handphones. If you can turn it off or move Ryan to another area. • Ryan could be noisy himself – he could be making sounds so as to cover the noise around him. |
| Temperature – pay attention to the temperature in the environment |
• Ryan does better in cool temperature.
• In any place, at least have the fan running. • If a place is too hot (Even when the fans are on), like the car poach where one of his work sites is – reschedule it to another time in the day. • He needs the air-con on to sleep. |
| Light – pay attention to the lighting in the environment |
This affects Ryan to a lesser extent.
But sometimes it can add to the stress. If you see him sitting in a dark room, let him be. He needed that to calm himself (self-regulation) |
Self-Regulation (How Ryan keeps himself calm)
When you see Ryan in these situations – he is calming himself down. Let him be.
• Weighted Blanket
• Big pillows, cushions
• Things to bite – don’t freak out when he bites the timer, remote control or water bottle. Have spares to replace when they stop functioning.
• Rocking on his rocking chair
• Pacing up and down the same area.
Make sure there is a bottle of water with Ryan throughout the day. He drinks to keep himself calm.
When you hear Ryan shouting –he could be getting anxious and if his bottle is empty, offer to fill it up for him. “Give me water bottle”
Things we have to make sure are available to Ryan throughout the day
Ipads
(Youtube)
Ryan has 2 iPad which he uses throughout the day – to watch Youtube. He might replay the same short scenes repeatedly – we think it may be like “meditation” for Ryan – it calms him. Or it could be he likes certain sound/scene in that clip.
He knows how to charge when the iPad battery runs out, and exchange for the fully charged one.
At times, when both iPad not charged, we allow Ryan to go onto the desktop computer. We will set a duration on his timer (usually 30:00 mins to allow the iPad to charge), and write this down to help him understand.
Practice Calming-Steps daily
Schedule regular practice session to use his calming cards routine.
This is the set of cards he refers. The 4 steps are:
- Hands together
- Blow 10 times – counting 1 to 10
- Rub hands 10 times- counting 1 to 10
- Hand cover face – counting 1 to 10
This video shows how we do it with him.
Snacks in between meals
Ryan tends to search for food in between meals, and also after dinner, or late at night when everyone is asleep.
Thus, we do put “snacks” into his hourly routines– the key ideas is to provide the food that we know is “safe” for him to eat and in small quantities.
After the 9pm routine, we would also leave a snack on the dining table. Just in case, he comes down to look for food after we have all gone to bed.
So key idea is we rather let him “find” food we want him to eat, rather than search for other types of food.
This video has explanations on our strategies
Mirrors
Mirrors are important for a few reasons:
- Leisure / Play – Ryan likes to look at mirrors. We think he uses it to replay youtube scenes.
- Check for ulcers – we frequently see him does this, to see where the pain is coming from. We are now (April 2024) teaching him to identify which cream to use to treat it himself (for more details, go to this link
- Calms Ryan – When Ryan’s having a hair cut at home, he sits in front for a huge mirror, so that he can see the progress. Hair cuts used to be terrifying for Ryan. For more details, go to this link this link
Dental Health
Ryan is prone to cavities, so these area preventive strategies that MUST be scheduled daily.
- Salt water gurgles twice a day - prevent tooth decays
- Ensure he follows all steps in his twice-daily toothbrushing routine (to do: video on salt gurgles and toothbrushing)
Books and toys
Ryan’s book and toy collection might not appear age-appropriate, but they bring him joy. Same for the types of videos he watches on Youtube.
He does not read the books, nor want anyone to read with him. But he likes to display them at times.
The toys – he will at time line them up in a specific sequence. We don’t know why. But please allow him to.
Meaningful Engagement
- he spends his time
- Have short, fun moments – imitate his movement, sounds (not to make fun of him, but to make a connection), smile, short bursts of tickling (stop when he says “no”)
- Greetings – acknowledge his presence, just like any other person. He is not “furniture”, he is a fully present human being.
- Hourly schedule activities – this gives predictability & structure to his day. It is meaningful to him and valuable to the family that he helps out.
- Learning new skills with adequate supports – at any time, we are targeting Ryan to learn a new skill. Like everyone of us, he is capable of learning. The challenge is for us to figure out how to support him to do it successfully.
Message to present and future caregivers
What I want for Ryan’s future
My promise to Ryan
that he will lead a life worth living.
A life that:
“Allows him the maximum level of Choice and Control
His days filled with genuine choices and interests
Has a balance of Work and Play
He is surrounded by people who loves him”